As I started to gather the thoughts in my head about what I wanted to share with this article I have to admit, that I had a mini break down. Not that it was stress or an unwillingness to share, but more a fear to revisit my past. I do, however, feel that I can be a lesson or example for people, so I feel it is important to share.
When I was 17 I was introduced to marijuana. Nothing major or anything, but if it was at a party, then I was getting high. I never thought much of anything the first time I tried it. A group of friends had a joint, and I just hit it like I knew what I was doing. I'm not saying marijuana was no big deal, but my alcohol drinking starting at age 15 I feel had more of a grip on me. Of course when I was younger, it was just a party thing. Things sort of took a turn when I got married. My wife just assumed my partying days would fall behind me after we tied the knot, and truthfully, so did I. I still found myself going out to the bars a lot, and leaving my new bride at home so I could be with "the boys." My wife tried talking to me about it, but I just brushed it off. I guess I kind of had the mind set that she would never leave me, so it did not really matter what she thought about it. I continued to go out, and my wife and I continued to argue, but nothing changed. I still would smoke marijuana from time to time, but it was when I was introduced to cocaine that things really started to go down hill for me.
A friend of mine had always been big into drugs. You name it, he did it, but I was always able to resist the hardcore stuff, just never had the urge to try it. Alcohol and weed was enough for me. After the passing of my mother, whom I was very close with, I fell into a depression. I went to my buddy's house to drink and smoke, and he told me that cocaine would take the pain away. At this point I thought, what the hell, I will do it once and that will be that. Well, I wish it would have been that easy. Cocaine quickly became a regular thing for me. I felt untouchable, and free when I was high on cocaine. One night I was passed out drunk on the couch. My wife came out there, and I guess out of curiosity, searched my pants and jacket pockets. She found my coke and another girls number. I remember waking up to her crying, just balling. She never even yelled at me for what she found. I remember her clearly wiping her eyes, sniffling, and saying " I truly loved you Darren, and I only wanted what was best for you and us, but it's over." The crazy thing is, I let her go. I did not try to stop her, or beg for her back, I just let her go. I knew deep down in my heart, she deserved better.
My life continued to spiral out of control. It wasn't until one night I left a party to head over to another friends house to pick up some coke. Already drunk and high, I fell asleep. Swerved off the road and into the ditch. As stupid as I am, I was smart enough to have on my seat belt. I woke up in the hospital the next day with minimal injuries. I am very lucky to be alive. That I did not hit another person, or fly off a bridge, or hit a tree. I probably deserved a lot worse, but I really got lucky. I was given a second chance. I knew my life was miserable. I lost my wife, I was not happy, and I almost lost my life. This was a game changer for me.
11 Years later and I am as sober as the day I was laying in that hospital bed. Well, maybe even more sober if I still had some things in my system, but you know what I mean. I have never felt better. I have been happily married to my second wife for 8 years now. My son, Jesse, is 6. I have apologized to my ex wife face to face for all the pain I have caused her while we were married. She accepted my apology, and claims it has made her a stronger person. She is re-married as well, and has two beautiful children, and a husband that treats her the way she should have always been treated, like a queen.
If I can get clean and sober, so can you. It took a lot of work. I know I said that I haven't had a drink since the accident, but I never said the accident alone saved me. I went to support groups, I had a sponsor, and I took the steps I needed to take to become a better person. Have I been tempted? Of course, but I never gave in. If you think you or someone you know is addicted to drugs or alcohol seek help. There is AA, community support groups, family, and even things online that can help get you started in your recovery. The resources are there, you just have to be willing to look for them. I can tell you from experience, they are not hiding. Do what's best for you and your family, and beat the addiction.
When I was 17 I was introduced to marijuana. Nothing major or anything, but if it was at a party, then I was getting high. I never thought much of anything the first time I tried it. A group of friends had a joint, and I just hit it like I knew what I was doing. I'm not saying marijuana was no big deal, but my alcohol drinking starting at age 15 I feel had more of a grip on me. Of course when I was younger, it was just a party thing. Things sort of took a turn when I got married. My wife just assumed my partying days would fall behind me after we tied the knot, and truthfully, so did I. I still found myself going out to the bars a lot, and leaving my new bride at home so I could be with "the boys." My wife tried talking to me about it, but I just brushed it off. I guess I kind of had the mind set that she would never leave me, so it did not really matter what she thought about it. I continued to go out, and my wife and I continued to argue, but nothing changed. I still would smoke marijuana from time to time, but it was when I was introduced to cocaine that things really started to go down hill for me.
A friend of mine had always been big into drugs. You name it, he did it, but I was always able to resist the hardcore stuff, just never had the urge to try it. Alcohol and weed was enough for me. After the passing of my mother, whom I was very close with, I fell into a depression. I went to my buddy's house to drink and smoke, and he told me that cocaine would take the pain away. At this point I thought, what the hell, I will do it once and that will be that. Well, I wish it would have been that easy. Cocaine quickly became a regular thing for me. I felt untouchable, and free when I was high on cocaine. One night I was passed out drunk on the couch. My wife came out there, and I guess out of curiosity, searched my pants and jacket pockets. She found my coke and another girls number. I remember waking up to her crying, just balling. She never even yelled at me for what she found. I remember her clearly wiping her eyes, sniffling, and saying " I truly loved you Darren, and I only wanted what was best for you and us, but it's over." The crazy thing is, I let her go. I did not try to stop her, or beg for her back, I just let her go. I knew deep down in my heart, she deserved better.
My life continued to spiral out of control. It wasn't until one night I left a party to head over to another friends house to pick up some coke. Already drunk and high, I fell asleep. Swerved off the road and into the ditch. As stupid as I am, I was smart enough to have on my seat belt. I woke up in the hospital the next day with minimal injuries. I am very lucky to be alive. That I did not hit another person, or fly off a bridge, or hit a tree. I probably deserved a lot worse, but I really got lucky. I was given a second chance. I knew my life was miserable. I lost my wife, I was not happy, and I almost lost my life. This was a game changer for me.
11 Years later and I am as sober as the day I was laying in that hospital bed. Well, maybe even more sober if I still had some things in my system, but you know what I mean. I have never felt better. I have been happily married to my second wife for 8 years now. My son, Jesse, is 6. I have apologized to my ex wife face to face for all the pain I have caused her while we were married. She accepted my apology, and claims it has made her a stronger person. She is re-married as well, and has two beautiful children, and a husband that treats her the way she should have always been treated, like a queen.
If I can get clean and sober, so can you. It took a lot of work. I know I said that I haven't had a drink since the accident, but I never said the accident alone saved me. I went to support groups, I had a sponsor, and I took the steps I needed to take to become a better person. Have I been tempted? Of course, but I never gave in. If you think you or someone you know is addicted to drugs or alcohol seek help. There is AA, community support groups, family, and even things online that can help get you started in your recovery. The resources are there, you just have to be willing to look for them. I can tell you from experience, they are not hiding. Do what's best for you and your family, and beat the addiction.
Thanks for reading and remember to visit http://www.familyrealities.com/
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