By Anna Brown
One of the many situations that we face in our lives that there
are no guidelines for is how to help a friend with depression. This is a
serious situation and must be regarded as such.
One big problem is that we do not always recognize depression in others. When they pull away, we assume that they have gotten busy or that our friendship is not as important to them as it is to us. We get busy ourselves and time passes before we realize that the relationship has changed or that we have not spoken.
When a friend is depressed, they usually withdraw from the world. They quit contacting everyone, even those that are important in their livesl
Depression makes it tough to get out of bed and face the day. Reaching out to someone is nearly impossible. There are no words that come to mind that are worth sharing.
How could they understand? What difference would it make? What would you talk about?
but mostly... Talking takes too much effort.
They may appear to be quiet or moody, even uninterested. We take this personally, believing that it must be something that we did.
When you get depressed, it takes over your mind. There is nothing that does not cause painful thoughts. So, you simply try not to think. Going through the motions of each day without notice is often easier for those that have a well established routine.
Those around them may not even notice much difference depending on their usual personality type.
How can we know that a friend is struggling with depression and what can we do to help?
The symptoms of depression are there, we just do not always recognize them. We assume that it is something else, that they are not ready to talk, they are simply distracted, or one of many other normal assumptions. Including... that we are bothering them.
When someone is suffering with depression, they NEED to be bothered! Yes, calling or visiting bothering them. There is no way around it. They are often so lost that being social takes more effort than they feel they have.
They may even need to be pushed to get out of bed, to get into the shower, and yes, even to eat. The idea of getting up and facing the day may be overwhelming, even if they do have a well defined routine to their life.
If you find yourself in a situation that you have to decide how to help a friend with depression, start by bothering them.
Call them, 10 times a day if you need to. Stop by and visit. Insist on getting them out of the house. Find an activity that will help keep their mind busy.
Shop, go to the gym, take in a movie, take a walk, sit on a park bench, go out to lunch. Anything to get them out of the house and distract their mind.
Talk to them about getting some help. Offer to go with them, to take them if you can.
If you know the cause of the depression, find a way to approach the topic and then get them to talk while you quietly listen. Do not judge what they say, but try to be reassuring.
The biggest thing to remember when you are faced with deciding how to help a friend with depression is that your relationship will be very one-sided. You will have to be the one making ALL of the effort. Your conversations will likely be very one-sided as well, with you receiving one word answers or even no answer. You will need to push to stay in their lives. This is when they need you the most. Walking away now could leave them lost for good, and, not only to you.
One big problem is that we do not always recognize depression in others. When they pull away, we assume that they have gotten busy or that our friendship is not as important to them as it is to us. We get busy ourselves and time passes before we realize that the relationship has changed or that we have not spoken.
When a friend is depressed, they usually withdraw from the world. They quit contacting everyone, even those that are important in their livesl
Depression makes it tough to get out of bed and face the day. Reaching out to someone is nearly impossible. There are no words that come to mind that are worth sharing.
How could they understand? What difference would it make? What would you talk about?
but mostly... Talking takes too much effort.
They may appear to be quiet or moody, even uninterested. We take this personally, believing that it must be something that we did.
When you get depressed, it takes over your mind. There is nothing that does not cause painful thoughts. So, you simply try not to think. Going through the motions of each day without notice is often easier for those that have a well established routine.
Those around them may not even notice much difference depending on their usual personality type.
How can we know that a friend is struggling with depression and what can we do to help?
The symptoms of depression are there, we just do not always recognize them. We assume that it is something else, that they are not ready to talk, they are simply distracted, or one of many other normal assumptions. Including... that we are bothering them.
When someone is suffering with depression, they NEED to be bothered! Yes, calling or visiting bothering them. There is no way around it. They are often so lost that being social takes more effort than they feel they have.
They may even need to be pushed to get out of bed, to get into the shower, and yes, even to eat. The idea of getting up and facing the day may be overwhelming, even if they do have a well defined routine to their life.
If you find yourself in a situation that you have to decide how to help a friend with depression, start by bothering them.
Call them, 10 times a day if you need to. Stop by and visit. Insist on getting them out of the house. Find an activity that will help keep their mind busy.
Shop, go to the gym, take in a movie, take a walk, sit on a park bench, go out to lunch. Anything to get them out of the house and distract their mind.
Talk to them about getting some help. Offer to go with them, to take them if you can.
If you know the cause of the depression, find a way to approach the topic and then get them to talk while you quietly listen. Do not judge what they say, but try to be reassuring.
The biggest thing to remember when you are faced with deciding how to help a friend with depression is that your relationship will be very one-sided. You will have to be the one making ALL of the effort. Your conversations will likely be very one-sided as well, with you receiving one word answers or even no answer. You will need to push to stay in their lives. This is when they need you the most. Walking away now could leave them lost for good, and, not only to you.
Anna Brown is an independent writer that enjoys writing on a
variety of topics that provide useful information to the reader. To read
more about depression or to see the variety of information that is available, visit her blog at http://www.bartbecks.com
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